Awards Season is the BEST. As much as these “prestigious” awards are the reason everyone comes out, not surprisingly it matters just as much who these celebs are bringing home for the evening. See below for an in-depth explanation of the varying sexual relations during awards season.
RED CARPET COUPLE: Married celeb couples of many years (a rare breed) escort their wives/husbands out of the car and on the red carpet, as they should. They actually link arms and together talk to the press and take pictures. These people are actually married in regular human life. They actually share their lives together. Congrats on being legit.
RED CARPET SPLIT: Then there’s the arrival together, split for the carpet, and meet back up at the seats.This often happens when said famous person’s significant other is a regular civilian and the public could give a shit about what them. If said famous celeb has enough prowess, they are able to push for their civilian partner to escort. OR, the celeb’s team doesn’t want their star photographed with their lover so they are kindly asked to walk ahead into the venue. Either way to these people, be happy with this option. You are still important and at least you get to touch the carpet at all.
SEATS ONLY: Seats only significant other. They’re important enough to the celeb to have them next to them when the awards are announced, but not quite important enough to brave the carpet together. There’s numerous reasons for this but I say in the celeb world, getting a seat for just banging the person with talent means you’re pretty serious. We will hold out hope we see you next year on the carpet. Fingers crossed.
AFTER PARTY: Listen, I ain’t knocking them in the slightest. I would kill to be Leonardo DiCaprio’s after party girl. Legitimately commit murder, butttttttt to be frank to this person, you are not special babe. There’s been 15 before you, and there will be 15 after you. If I had to guess they will be dumping you soon. The famous people also need companionship so they don’t get lost in the crowd. Enjoy the ride while you can. I know I would.
AFTER AFTER AFTER PARTY: You’re just a piece of ass. Deal with it. You’re getting to bang a celebrity who was just grandiosely praised for their work in cinema and/or television. Chill. Life could be worse. (I would also take part here. No judgment.)
Soooooo Leo if you happen to be perusing this article and somehow make it to this part, throw a girl a bone and let me meet you at the hotel after the Oscars?? I promise to be discrete. Thanks boo. Besosss.
Much Love,
T
The Judgery 